Sunday, May 29, 2011

OK God... You have my attention!

Ok... ok... ok.... I'll stop running around so much. I'll sit down and relax a bit. I'll let go of my crazy agendas. I'll spend more time with you in prayer. You give me no choice.

Here's the story:
I took the boys to the park on Wednesday afternoon. I pushed Ray on the swings and then turned to walk away. I twisted my ankle as I stepped from the padded playground surface to the mulch. I fell. Completely sprawled out. SO embarrassing! (Of course my boys were so busy swinging and playing that they didn't even notice.) Several moms came over to see if I was ok. I sheepishly got up and sat on a bench and thought my ego was the most damaged part of me.

I was wrong.

As the days have worn on my ankle has become more and more sore. I've wrapped it and propped it up and iced it. But I've also stubbornly clung to my do-lists and plans. I've walked on it and done six million things around here.

Today I went to Urgent Care and had it x-rayed. The doctor suspects a hairline fracture of the fibula (the small bone on the outside of the leg.) She wants me to see an orthopedic doctor this week. In the meantime I have a fiberglass splint and crutches and I need to stay completely off of it.


I'm trying not to freak out. I'm trying to look at the positives. School (including activities, classes, field trips, etc) is basically over for the summer. My boys are not babies or toddlers. It's my left foot so I can still drive. I have an AMAZING helpful husband and lots of support from family and friends. It's just an ankle, not a serious illness, etc.

But still, YIKES! What about all the things I planned to do and want to do? Strawberry picking. Going to the pool. Planting vegetables. Vacation. Cleaning the basement...... (add about 100 more agenda items here).

Yet, somehow I know there is more going on here than just recovery from a silly accident.

I realize this is skewed theology, but I feel like God sometimes has to literally stop me in my tracks to get my attention.

The "Back Story"

Ten years ago God used a very similar situation to get my attention and the results were life-changing for me... in a good way. I was a neurotically busy single working gal. I worked as a Pastoral Associate. I loved my job. But I needed to "get a life." I wanted to so desparately to fall in love and get married, but I just couldn't get beyond several issues (including workaholism, perfectionism, and self-esteem  issues) and move forward.

To make a long story a little bit shorter.... I ended up with a stress fracture IN THE SAME ANKLE. I stubbornly refused to give in and rest it. I kept working . It wouldn't heal. Eventually I ended up having to take a leave from work and stay with my parents so I could stay off my ankle and let it heal.

God used that time to work in my mind and my heart. I prayed a lot. I re-evaluated some things and did some serious discernment.

AND.... I tried online dating.... and met Jon!!!!!! I am convinced that we would never have met if I hadn't broken my ankle.

So, here I am again. My life is VERY different now. But I can't help but think that perhaps God is trying to speak to me and I know that I have not been listening very well. I'm afraid of slowing down and thinking too much.... but I do trust God, ever faithful and loving.

So I'm trying to open my heart while I rest my leg. We'll see what surprises God has in store.

And I think this will be a great opportunity for the boys to become a bit more independent. I know we'll get through this road bump together. Perhaps we'll do a lot more reading and board games and crafts together! We'll see.

Thanks for your prayers and support! I'll keep you posted.

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