Being Mirrors: Embracing Imperfection

I'm sure I've mentioned before that I always thought God would give me daughters.... nice, well-behaved, cute little girls. Yet in His hilarious sense of humor he has gifted me with two very active, sometimes wild boys. (Yes,.... I love them to the moon and back... wouldn't change it for the world, etc...) It's just not the way I would have done it if I had been "in charge." Obviously God knows what He's doing. For one thing, by giving me these boys he's teaching me a lot about humility, patience, unrealistic expectations, perseverance, letting go of control, looking at the world differently (the list goes on and on).

I know they're not perfect, but I want them to be.... especially with other people. So it's sometimes very difficult for me to leave them in the care of other people. I feel nervous about how they will behave. I know they are active and can be rambunctious. I don't want them to be "bad boys" and I don't want people to think I'm a bad parent. It's shocking to me how little they care about what other people think. (I know it's my personality type... all of those personality test things always tell me I'm concerned about image and what other people think.)

So this week was difficult as Ray attended Safety Town and both boys went to Bible School. When I picked Ray up from Safety Town one morning I heard the teacher repeatedly telling him to go back to his seat. I cringed. The worst moment came on Thursday when Jon and I arrived to pick up the boys from Bible School. I was horrified when I walked into the room and saw all of the children singing and dancing in a circle and MY boys wildly running around the middle, with several teachers trying to get them to settle and participate appropriately. I literally had to leave the room to keep from losing my cool. I brought them home and way-too-dramatically expressed my disapproval and embarrassment. I spent the whole night obsessing about what's wrong with them and what we've done wrong and what we need to do to make them behave. (Yes, my friends and my mom will tell you I spend lots of time and energy doing this.)

I really prayed about it though.... and I talked to my mom of course. I think there are two things I really need to embrace and remember. First, God made them. They are who they are. They are awesome, but they are not perfect. I need to nurture them, discipline and guide them, and let them be who they are. Second, I have always had VERY high expectations of myself. Now I seem to be placing those expectations on my children. I can't assume that others are judging them as harshly as I am. I can't care about that. I need to let go of such high expectations, choose what's important, work on one thing at a time, and sit down and breathe once in a while.

So, we all learned a lot this week. The boys really had fun and learned a ton. I went through a gamut of thoughts and emotions and learned a lot about myself as a person and as a parent.

Last night I read a great quote by Elizabeth Foss in her book, "Real Learning: Education in the Heart of the Home." She says, "Again and again we see the truth that each child is created to reflect God's image in a unique way. A child's personality and personhood is God-given. We can't and shouldn't try to make a child into 'our own image' or into what we think he should be, or what some curriculum designer things he should be. It is the role of parent and educator to help a child become more like the 'ideal image' that God has in mind for him." (page 21)

And so my prayer is that God gives me the grace to grow into the ideal image that He has in mind for me AND that God helps me not get in the way too much as my boys discover and grow into the ideal images God has in mind for them. Together we continue to journey toward heaven, helping each other along the way. I again commit to my own jouney in holiness, for my example will teach the boys far more than my words or punishments.

This long story has a happy ending! Ray was so proud and so well-behaved at Safety Town graduation. AND Ray and Adam both were wonderful at the Bible School program on Friday evening. Ray especially enjoyed singing and doing the motions to the songs. Adam held it together very well also, even though he tells me singing and dancing aren't his best talents. They weren't perfect and I was ok with that. We enjoyed the culminations of these programs and we're thankful for all we learned.

(You may soon see a new button in my sidebar for collecting money for my counseling fund! :) Just kidding!)

Here are some pictures from Friday....